When you look in the mirror, what do you see? The firsthand answer is simple: your reflection. You know, of course, that this answer is not the one I am asking for – nor the one that you wished to answer.
Welcome to 2021, dear reader. May this year be better than the last, which is not asking much. But alas, with new year resolutions being thrown left and right, there is a more fundamental question that we ought to ask ourselves. It is well and good to set goals and habit systems – become more financially stable, lose some weight, eat better – but why? Why set these goals? Especially after a hard and arduous year like 2020, where many of us were slapped in the face with the reality of the pandemic, it seems only fair (and essential) to press the ‘reset’ button and ask ourselves some difficult questions.
The answer to the aforementioned ‘why’ is often the following: “I wish to better myself.” This is a good response, and one I hope most people will have. Personal betterment is essential to progress and positive change. So yes, please achieve these goals so that you may become better by the end of the year.
Even further though, I would like to dig. Why even think of bettering yourself? Why is it so important to people that they set goals with this hope, so that they are better, so that they are proud of themselves by December?
Because, fundamentally, those who believe that they would like to better themselves also believe that they are fundamentally flawed. Of course, every person to a certain degree knows that they are imperfect. Such is the nature of humanity and we cannot change it. But the recognition of these flaws is imperative to change because it is entirely possible to set goals without addressing these flaws, or at least, knowing your flaws are you begin working toward that goal.
Now, what I was trying to insist on is, then, quite simple: any goal, whether it be set during the new year or not, ought to reflect our flaws. It ought to reflect the true imperfections of our individual natures such that the said goal does not diverge from the flaws that one is attempting to correct. In that case, the goal will be largely ineffective, if not completely useless. At the very least, it will not produce in you the fulfillment that you are seeking because it will not target what you, fundamentally, are attempting to achieve.
Here can be observed the relevance of Narcissus. In the Baroque painting, Narcissus is staring at himself, seemingly fascinated with his reflection. Certainly, it seems that – true to his name – Narcissus is admiring his beauty and the extraordinary nature of his being. It is unclear, upon my analysis, if he sees or acknowledges his flaws. Either way, Narcissus in this painting is doing something that we should do: take a long, hard and honest look in the mirror this year.
Now, what I was trying to insist on is, then, quite simple: any goal, whether it be set during the new year or not, ought to reflect our flaws.
Not unlike Narcissus, however, the acknowledgement of our flaws is more difficult than we think. Taking a hard look in the mirror is no trivial thing, but our personal development, progress and ability to become better people relies on accepting the haunting imperfections that permeate the dark corners of our minds.
A goal and a system of habits that is not designed to correct a particular flaw will unfortunately not be completely satisfying. So, if you’re making goals this year or in the next years, step one is necessarily going to be a hard look in the mirror. You will find that the more you are able to acknowledge and accept your flaws as they are, the easier it will be to correct for them because their existence will hurt you significantly less.
For instance, I know I am quite a naturally lazy person. It is the worst contributor to my tendency to procrastinate. So when I told myself that I wanted to be more organized and not allow my room to become a mess anymore, I didn’t start with just telling myself that, every day, I would keep tidy up my room before bed. I began with setting times during which I would tidy up the strewn clothes in my room. I promised myself I would do it immediately rather than later – because I knew that later never happened. My goal, and most importantly, the way that I established I would achieve my goal, are oriented to the fact that I am lazy. It will correct for that laziness, so by the time that I have built a healthy habit, the goal and I will be entirely satisfied.
My point is that, if I didn’t acknowledge my laziness as an integral part of my inability to be organized, I never would have set the goal, and certainly never set the systems that help make that goal succeed.
This is a trivial example, but you see my point. Sometimes, goals will be so trivial that the need for it to reflect a deeper part of ourselves is rendered nil. However, more often than not, this is not the case.
You may say, ‘But aren’t our goals just intuitively set to correct our flaws? What is the need for the personal reflection, then?’ I would respond that you are entirely correct. If your goal is intuitively oriented toward correcting a flaw, this is great – but you are missing a piece of the puzzle. If you don’t know exactly why you are working toward said goal, then your motivation will disappear and the goal will not be achieved. This is crucial. The why is fundamental to your success, and taking a long look in the mirror will tell it to you, if you listen.
Now – how do you find the why? This is the million dollar question, isn’t it? Most self-help books won’t tell you because it seems to be so intrinsically connected to your emotions that, prima facie, no one can tell you how to reach it.
I’m not here to tell you, either. If I knew the answer to finding the ‘why,’ I would be writing a bestselling self-help book (I’m not). I will ponder the question and maybe I’ll find the answer someday. If I do, I’ll make sure to write about it. Regardless, there is something to be said about finding that ‘why’ without which accomplishing anything challenging will be impossible.
I would wager, though, that giving ourselves a hard look in the mirror might be a step toward finding that million-dollar answer.
So, let us stare at our reflections not with fear of what we will find, but with the hope that what we find can be corrected, or at the very least, accepted. Cheers to a better, more introspective year!
DENISA | D. C. LOGOJAN 